happy new year, thank you, & "yes"

December 31, 2015

Chest beating madly with 2015 memories: I started a new magazine. Succeeded and stumbled. Hit pause on big love. Let go. Heart broke and so it grew. Honored my own boundaries. Told fear to suck it. Took myself to salsa lessons.

Started learning to follow, listen, and try to move in sync with someone else, all while laughing. This afternoon I was practicing in my living room (i.e. gathering courage) because later tonight I'm taking myself out. Yep. Solo. Just for a couple of hours. I'll show up and say yes. To anyone who asks.

My two-year-old niece, Faye, says "yes" a lot. It is the sweetest sound. She softly enunciates the s. She smiles. Already she senses the magic in this word.

I am so grateful you have been part of my world this year and so happy to be able to see glimpses of your world through Instagram, Facebook, your wonderful blogs and websites. Thank you for sharing with me. May 2016 bring us all the answers we seek. May they sound a lot like yes.

Happy New Year!

xo,
laura

rain & watercolor change

December 17, 2015

It's raining today and I am in the process of changing. Moving from one state of being to another. In transition. Maybe you are too? It's not easy. I've heard there is no way out, though. Only through. 

Uncertainty about seemingly big things like love life, future potential, purpose, worth, success and failure...the precariousness of an identity can be scary to put into words. And I love words. 

But lately I've been painting.

One watercolor a day. or two, or three. Or none. When I am moved. When my heart swells with emotion that I know is both temporary and important, fleeting and indelible. That is when I paint.

It only takes ten minutes. A break from the work day. I push the brush across paper and watch the color stain. I let go of logic and reason and even words in order to sense how colors will blend, in order to express the inexpressible.

I understand what they mean when they say that art heals. It doesn't fix, though. Maybe healing is not about fixing at all. Maybe healing is transition.

It's raining today and I am in the process of changing. I've heard there is no way out. Only through. 

xo
Laura

p.s. a little update on issue two : it's done. well, done in the sense that i finally stopped editing and sent it to karly to review for design. it took a full six months longer than i expected. i am learning. soon, we will send it to the printer. i can not wait to share this beauty with you all, especially our incredible indiegogo contributors. big love.

what does it mean to follow?

December 15, 2015

What does it mean to follow?

The more experienced salsa leads who come on Monday nights seem amused when I step into turns just before they invite me to. They laugh and say, "Oh, you like to turn, huh?" I laugh too and remember...wait for their cue. Wait for the five. Soften. Listen. Feel. Where I am going is not the goal. Staying connected is.

Learning to follow has it's own beauty, it's own challenge, it's own soft strength, it's own expression. It requires presence. It is sensuous. You must stop thinking about what comes next. You must feel and inhabit your body. You must not look down. Trust is an element. So is mirth. A light heart.

My toes are tender this morning. It's quite sweet. I'm giggling. And reflecting. Learning to follow.