foxgloves

Foxgloves by Sarah Anne Childers

At the homestead my father takes my little girl across the road to pick daisies. They pluck white petals and fling them in a game she makes up, changing the rules as she goes because she can, he'll never call her on it. Then they examine the progress of the blackberries that lasso the brush. What will become fat finger-staining orbs after more time in the sun are still green nubs with tightly scrunched infant faces. Their transformation is inevitable and miraculous both.

There is a scraggly fence of barbed wire strung between low mossy posts. Beyond the fence to the south overgrown pasture tumbles roly-poly into forest sparse then dense before bumping into the Olympic Mountains rising jagged. (The Olympics continue to push toward the sky. They are old-but-young, still growing, bold with somewhere to be. Did you know? I keep this tidbit in my pocket and as with any good luck charm reach for it when I need reassurance. You can have it too; we’ll share.)

My daughter is drawn to the fence. In the city she navigates light rail stations and coasts her scooter across busy streets, but this barrier between mountains and country road puzzles her. What is in the pasture? Are we allowed to go? How would we get through? She wants answers but more so she wants the foxglove just over the fence. She'd like to smell the flowers. She'd like to pull the whole gangly plant from the grass by its furry stem. Perhaps a strand would survive to be plunked in the vase that sits in the center of the kitchen table but more likely she'd caress the weed beauty to bits like the poor dismantled daisies.  

Photo by Sarah Anne Childers

Photo by Sarah Anne Childers

"Don't go so close," I admonish as she inches toward the foxglove. I mean the barbed wire, not the flower. "Don't touch ... you'll get hurt ... and your new coat." I hear the whine and wringing hands in my tone and am annoyed at myself. I glare at the foxglove. I’m annoyed at it too. Why is it being so difficult? Why isn't it growing over here on this side of the fence? As if if it was, we might put the gloves on, slipping our paws into the little purple bells with mottled insides to protect against the metal spikes so that we could climb through unscathed to discover what lies beyond the fence, besides more foxgloves and scattered mounds of cow poop - one of the few things in this world I know as truth.

I don’t remember if these desires (for foxgloves, for answers) occurred to us, me and my little brother, decades ago when we traipsed across this same fence whenever we pleased. We had no concern for clothing or skin, our passage through the parallel lines of barbs perfected to a fluid modern dance. Indeed, fence crossing was our art form. Whoever came first to the fence pulled up on the middle line while half standing on the bottom one to create a kid-sized hole as the other ducked and stepped with knees high but not too high. Once through, the crosser turned back to reach for the smooth, safe part of the wire still held aloft, taking its weight and its burden in that wordless sign that meant: now you.  


Sarah Anne Childers is the online editor at luciajournal.com where she happily toggles between curating creatives as an editor and creatively curating ideas and the words they live in as a writer. 

sarah@luciajournal.com

effort and surrender

June 26, 2016 - Daily Notes, From the Editor

How do you ebb and when do you flow?

She brought a braid of sweetgrass (Hierochloe odorata), the kind only natives are allowed to gather. Removing her thick blade from its leather sheath, she sliced a few stems there on the gray dishtowel in my kitchen.

"It helps to clear and prepare a space for ceremony," she said as I handed her the blue teacup and a box of matches.

Five were in the circle on Saturday in my living room. The theme for the morning was "creative cycles" but our conversation wound around other things too, the way women do. We are creators.

One of them is writing a book. Another, a novel. A third is trying to make more mistakes this year. The fourth said her focus this summer is on rest. I was the fifth, and I am growing Lucia.

How do you know when to effort and when to surrender in your creative life? How do you ebb and when do you flow?

We talked about darkness and light, daytime and night. How for some, insomnia is a state in which to do both: surrender to the elusiveness of sleep, and sit up to softly flow. Maybe wrap oneself in a blanket and breathe the steam of herbal tea with a pen and some paper. Feel your own heart and hear what it is telling you. Commune with the moon.

We asked each other, what do you do with the mental chatter that assails and freezes the body in those dark hours, or in the first precious moments after waking in the morning?

"I write those thoughts all down, first thing," someone said. "Then I can get on with the rest of my day, because once they are on paper, even as chicken scratch notes, they are sort of already dealt with, in a way."

"But," I wondered aloud, "What do you do about the ones that cannot be put to rest so tidily?"

"Oh, those," she said. "I put those into a special jar labeled, 'Things I Cannot Control.' Like my boss being so mean, for example. Later, I take them outside and burn them. I release those things to the universe." 

She surrenders. 

Maybe this is the ultimate form of courage. Knowing what must be handed over to spirit is wise. Actually letting it go is brave. Then we can return again to the work that calls our souls, the work of creating.

This morning, I wrote down my uncontrollable worries. One by one, I tore them into little strips of paper. I gathered matches and what remained of the sweetgrass snips from yesterday. I set them on fire and watched the carefully written words weave their way into the Sunday sky above the maples in my backyard. 

"Here, universe. Please take these. They are yours. Thank you."

Then, I sat down to write.

xo
laura


Laura Lowery is the founder, editor and publisher of Lucia. She does her best to lead a creative life. Whether triumphant or stumbling, Laura shares daily notes (that are often weekly) here on luciajournal, including stories, behind-the-scenes happenings, little doses of inspiration, and large quantities of curiosity and heart. She is pleased to meet you.

make da honey. right now.

June 24, 2016 - Daily Notes, From the Editor

This is my life. Right now.

This ferry ride. This eight o'clock solstice sun on the evening before dad's surgery to have a catheter placed for kidney dialysis. The light pours through my dirty jeep window and I hear massive engines and smell diesel and sea. I wonder if the sun is too intense for my skin and whether the man I might love will still find me sexy when the wrinkles come. Because they are coming. Everything is coming.

Life unfolds in hours and minutes and sunsets as we make revolutions around the brightest star in our sky. The beauty is not in an Instagram post or a pixel-dense capture of the longest day of the year. It is here. In the beeping cars and the low bass growl of the ferry and the gasoline and the waterfowl perched on the pylons watching the show.

The ferrymen work to load us on and off. For tonight, I am coming home. Tomorrow I do not know. This is my life. Right now.

In the morning, he is ready. He smiles and holds up the red splotch that resembles a dog, the one his two-year-old granddaughter painted for him last weekend as she exclaimed, "Faye painted da dog!" I take a picture of him to text to all of my siblings and say, "Ready pre-op!"

Mom is driving now. My sister, Summer, texts us a photo of herself waving and she writes, "Love you Dad!" and my other sister texts to tell us all that Faye just saw the photo and said, "Auntie Summy at work. Make da honey. Auntie Summy come play da Faye, RIGHT NOW!"

Faye knows that bees work to make the honey. So she has put the logic together herself. When her Dada and Auntie Summy and Zsi Zsi go to "work" they obviously make the honey, too.

RIGHT NOW is a new phrase she has learned, and she applies it well. 

We all laugh. Truth is funny.

My brother, Stuart, is an emergency room doctor in Nashville. He texts us all a photo of his hand holding a nearly empty honey jar, "I'm running low, better get back to work."

This is life. Right now. We are making da honey.

xo
laura


Laura Lowery is the founder, editor and publisher of Lucia. She does her best to lead a creative life. Whether triumphant or stumbling, Laura shares daily notes (that are often weekly) here on luciajournal, including stories, behind-the-scenes happenings, little doses of inspiration, and large quantities of curiosity and heart. She is pleased to meet you.